I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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