His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
