It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize