Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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