when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
