I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My dick has a subreddit
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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