I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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