So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
