dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
