I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize