HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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