do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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