Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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