I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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