i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
