I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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