By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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