I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
