yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
