Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
