I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
