considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
