yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
