Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
