I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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