kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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