Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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