Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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