There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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