is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
