I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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