dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
