11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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