What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
