My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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