Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
