I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
