She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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