oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
