Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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