Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
