I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
