stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
