did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
