my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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