He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
