And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
