i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
