Where is the hickey?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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