This girl is more easily done than said...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
