My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize