Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
