Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
