just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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