i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sext me about skeletons
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
