You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
