everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
