I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i came on her dog
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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