There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize