If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
