it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
