Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
