Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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