I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
