roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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