apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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