I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
