yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
no, he came in my armpit
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
