listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
