we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
