I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
