sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
