Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I didn't notice because vodka
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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