elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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