I need help removing her.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
