the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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