i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
high people should be assigned attendants
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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