His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
