My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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