just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
is wine microwaveable?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I need moral support for this bender
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
