belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm both gender and math confused
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
