my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
