Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
