Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
another moral hangover. fuck.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He kissed a someone with a penis
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
