ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
