i wish there were pregnant emoticons
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
