I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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