My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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