The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
